Why Power Plays Can Backfire at the Negotiation Table

People often think of bullying as something that happens only in childhood, a phase marked by playground taunts or schoolyard exclusion. Unfortunately, bullying doesn’t always disappear when we grow up. Sometimes, it simply evolves.

Nearly one in three American adults say they’ve been bullied by another adult. That statistic may seem surprising because the signs are often subtle: a co-worker who gives the silent treatment, a supervisor who intentionally excludes someone from a team lunch, or a colleague who spreads gossip to control the narrative. These negative behaviors don’t always look like aggression but they’re still bullying, just in a more subtle expression. 

There’s no single answer to the question of why adults bully. For some, bullying is learned behavior that was modeled at home or experienced in early childhood. Others might lash out as a way to manage low self-worth, using control over others as a quick way to feel powerful. In some cases, bullying can be an attempt to impose order and make the world more predictable by controlling those around them.

Children who bully can often learn how to change, especially if they have healthy role models. Those who don’t have the good fortune of a positive support system may continue to rely on force rather than cooperation, treating relationships like battles to win rather than partnerships to build. Unfortunately, these tactics can work in the short term because others are often willing to give in just to avoid conflict. 

When winning is the only goal

In a negotiation, this approach has limits. For those who have a bullying mindset, the negotiation is only about the outcome. They focus solely on what they want, rarely budge, and define success as a loss for the other side. But when someone refuses to compromise, is that interaction really a negotiation?

Even though it may feel one-sided, this is a negotiation you can navigate. Remember, negotiation is controlled conflict rather than an all-or-nothing contest or a game to determine who wins and who loses. Approaching with a relationship-oriented mindset helps you to think more long-term by forging bonds that will bring value in perpetuity.

A positive result incorporates mutual compromise, with everyone walking away with something of value. Compromise isn’t always easy, though, especially for those used to getting their way.

That’s why preparation matters. Before entering a negotiation, know what you’re willing to give up and what you’re not. Try to anticipate the other side’s flexibility as well. What are they likely to compromise on? Where might there be room to create value together?

Time + Collaboration = Success

The cadence of the best negotiations is a dance, a back and forth where the two sides listen and respond. When both parties are patient and open to collaboration, opportunities can increase exponentially, and the negotiation becomes more than a transaction. When you reach an agreement, both parties are satisfied, with neither feeling defeated nor bullied.

When you take the time to explore the details of a deal rather than rushing to get the deal done, you may also uncover hidden opportunities. There may be possibilities for partnership, to reach shared goals, or to find creative solutions. There will be more chances to align your needs and both walk away satisfied with an outcome rooted in abundance rather than scarcity.

This shift in perspective can be difficult because you have to put aside your ego, delay the satisfaction of immediate wins, and embrace a long-term view. While an approach like this may take longer and require more effort, the results will be better for all involved.

The future is creative

The world is driven by innovation, and that approach should be extended to creativity at the bargaining table. Bullying is a tired shortcut that leaves no room for collaboration, curiosity, or independent thought and relies on fear rather than respect, pressure rather than persuasion. Bullying may get results in the short term, but it’s a tactic that undermines trust, erodes relationships, and stifles possibility.

By contrast, relationship-oriented negotiation recognizes that long-term success depends on mutual benefit. It’s an approach that values shared outcomes, uplifts everyone involved, and acknowledges that sustainable agreements can’t be built on coercion.