When Expectations Quietly Take Away Your Power

Societal, professional, and cultural expectations can be a delicate balance. They might seem harmless, or even helpful. They give you rules to follow, ways to belong, and benchmarks for success. Over time, this type of pressure can carry a sense of obligation so heavy that it leaves little room for choice. And when your choice disappears, so does your power.

You might be driven to meet others' expectations to be seen as capable, dependable, or even likable. It’s true this maintains relationships, keeps the peace, and ensures no one feels let down. Except that, with every “yes” rooted in obligation rather than desire, you give a little piece of yourself (or your power) away. You say “no” to yourself, giving up your choice to the person or culture that sets the expectation.

Many cultural expectations are unspoken. They aren’t written down or explicitly demanded. Instead, they’re absorbed through upbringing, reinforced by tradition, and cemented by habit. They grow from the belief that, since things have always been done a certain way, they should continue to be done that way. Sometimes, these forces blur the line between obligation and preference so much that you can no longer see the difference.

Those blurred lines can be dangerous when unreasonable pressure masquerades as norms, and you stop questioning whether they’re healthy. A freely made choice is empowering. An unquestioned ask is a tether. The problem isn’t that these demands exist. It’s when you rarely pause to examine them or when you don’t stop to ask yourself what you really want.

Relationships can be another slippery slope. What starts as a gesture of kindness can morph into duty. Unfortunately, the cycle repeats as you work to please others, cementing their demands as you disappear under the weight of them. But you have the power to choose, and expectations only hold sway when you let them. Reclaiming that power starts with noticing the quiet agreements you’ve made and deciding which ones deserve to continue.

When you give yourself permission to question what you give to others, you create the space to live a life that reflects who you truly are.