Driven By Duty: When the Brave Choice Is to Let Go

I started college as a pre-med student. In my mind, it was an obligation. I’d adopted the idea of who I intended to become long before I examined whether it was what I actually wanted. But when I started school, the pre-med requirements didn't come easy, they felt like something I had to endure. 

I remember sitting in physics, wondering when the classes would stop being so painful. I told myself that the courses would get easier, and eventually I would actually enjoy them. I also majored in psychology, and those classes were completely different. They showed me what it felt like to actually love what I was learning.

After taking the MCATs twice, I finally realized I had confused duty with desire. I thought that because I was supposed to want something, I would eventually want it. The truth was that I was living someone else's life, forcing myself down a path that was never really mine.

When effort isn't enough

When you’re doing something that feels off, you can convince yourself the discomfort is temporary, the breakthrough is just around the corner, and that persistence will eventually get you there.

There comes a moment when you have to consider whether you're moving toward something you want or continuing on because it never occurred to you that you have another choice. Even if you do see you’re on the wrong path, the more you’ve sacrificed, the more challenging it is to give up. Too often, by the time you take an honest look at what you're doing, you believe you've put in too much time and energy to turn back.

Recognizing the pattern  

You can see this clearly in relationships. All relationships require effort, compromise, and commitment. When things aren't working, you cling to the hope they’ll improve. You tell yourself this painful season will pass, the next conversation will make a difference, or that if you try a little harder, life will finally feel comfortable. Sometimes that happens. Other times, you're pouring more and more of yourself into something that isn't for you, no matter how much you give.

The same dynamic can show up in your career. You keep pushing forward because you've spent years building expertise. You think success is supposed to be exhausting and that eventually your hard work will pay off. But before you keep investing more, it's worth asking whether you’re pursuing a goal you chose for yourself or one you've simply been chasing for so long you've stopped questioning it.

The trust that comes with experience

One of the benefits of experience is learning to distinguish between what is truly right for you and what you've grown accustomed to. Over time, you become better at recognizing whether a struggle is serving you or holding you back. The need to prove you can endure hardship matters less than seeing the truth about a situation and understanding it's time to move on. 

Not every opportunity, relationship, or goal is meant for you. It was a huge relief when I admitted I didn’t want to go to medical school because I didn’t want to be a doctor. I enjoyed an early career in public health and eventually had the opportunity to launch a business in that field. Though I moved away from public health, my passion for entrepreneurship never wavered. I went to business school and finally studied what interested me. That decision opened the door to opportunities I never would have discovered otherwise, and I've built a thriving career from it.

Hard work still matters. Commitment still matters. Effort will always matter. But those alone can't tell you whether you're headed in the right direction. When what you do is aligned with your values and who you are, you know it. You're not constantly fighting against the current to make something become what it isn't.

There’s a sense of peace that comes from recognizing not everything has to be so difficult. Sometimes the greatest relief comes when you stop trying to force something that was never meant for you in the first place.